WHY THAT SUBJECT?

During the discussion at a book club where I was the guest speaker, I was asked why I choose to write about the issues that effect contemporary women. Unsure of what I wanted to express, I stumbled with a vague answer about understanding those issues.

Thinking about the discussion on the way home, I decided there was more to the truthfulness of my answer. I believe all women, or almost all, share some common experiences.

I’ve lived my life in such a way as to gain insights into many of those experiences, often through trial and error. I’ve also been an observer as other women sought and sometimes found successful ways to work through difficult situations. I write about those issues, trying to create an interesting read, with the hope some other woman will find a connection that helps her.

I write women’s stories much like a storyteller around the fire in the old community of women. I believe it helps other women to know they are not alone in what they feel or think as they deal with the choices and issues in their own lives.

When I watch the walkers going past my window, I can’t help noticing, every pair of women is talking as they move. In fact, the women are almost always in pairs while the men walk alone. In a mixed pair, the conversation is usually one sided with the woman doing most of the talking. A slice of life view of behavior in our society. In a very general way, most women are more content when we have a friend or a community of women for support, guidance, and sharing.

That idea falls apart when competition enters the picture. A very recent conversation with a young nurse quickly turned her words into bitter frustration as she described her experiences as a floor nurse in a hospital. The struggle to work under a "power hungry charge nurse, and a manager lacking empathy." I didn’t know her well or the hospital so I have no basis to judge her allegations but I could certainly feel the seething anger. Of course, she doesn’t work there anymore, she’s moved to a clinic with a man in charge and is cheerful and happy in her choice.

There could have been a multitude of reasons for the misery in her old situation and one might well have had it’s source in her relationship with her mother. That tie between mother and daughter is powerful, strange and often unrecognized but it has a lasting impact.

All females struggle with our own mother-daughter relationship to some degree. It’s the first major clash of wills we come up against, the first "No." For some, it’s an occasional and barely noticeable tug at the heartstrings. For others, it’s a tug of war with the fabric of both their lives. The depth of the struggle varies with the personalities, circumstances, and beliefs but few women can escape scot free. A view of the clash, through some other person’s life can be a painless way to share.

Common to all, including women, is the desire to be recognized and appreciated as individuals. In our society, it is still more difficult for a woman to achieve that recognition than it is for a man. I’ve observed it’s especially difficult to get to the place where you’re acknowledged by other women.

For a recent project, I was reading the public record stories of early Oregon settlers and was amused to realize the female interviewer could rarely give approval to the women she interviewed, particularly if they were successful. The male interviewer seemed more objective with his descriptions.

There are as many different ways to approach that need to be appreciated as there are women with different personalities. I’ve tried more than several over time. I’m pretty sure I know more about what won’t work than will. I write about some of each.

When I was much younger, very young, I often found myself with a male partner who would become involved with male friends and leave me standing on the sidelines alone and ignored for long periods. Every time it happened, I began to feel ill as the time went on. Now I think the illness may have been imagined but I’ve since discovered I was the only person made miserable. My choice at the time was to change partners thus avoiding the whole situation. There are times when that isn’t a feasible answer or the best solution but neither is getting ill. Now I approach it more directly. I keep the partner but decide which places to go with him.

Many of us, as women, are nurturers. The arrangements of particular cells in our brains bring that trait about. Most of us have needed to take on the role of care giving, short or long term, for children, for family members, sometimes even for a life partner. I write about those experiences too. Shared communal knowledge helps make it possible to succeed in that role while still maintaining other parts of our lives. In spite of the misconception of many masculine competitors, nurturing does not make us weak, but stronger.

Discovering our own passions and finding a life, or lifestyle that lets each of us feed those passions is another part of our contemporary perplexities. Not that I would want to go back to a time when women had very limited life choices. Even then, some women with clear visions and little encouragement found ways to work toward goals that stirred their passions. If that hadn’t been true we wouldn’t be celebrating the August passage of the 19 th Amendment to the Constitution giving women the right to vote.

I have women friends writing poetry, singing or learning to sing, tutoring children with learning or language problems, harboring neglected horses, struggling to protect our environment or succeeding in important careers. They didn’t come by their choices easily or first. The women who are truly in love with their life are those who have found and moved toward their own passion.

Making the decision to choose fulfillment comes up in almost all my writing because it is often a difficult course. A woman’s passion might not pay well, be what others wanted for her, take too long, cost too much or even just be out of her area of expertise. I’ve known many who put off changing direction until they’ve raised a family or saved enough money. That’s not a terrible thing. I had to wait for a computer, handwritten was too slow and typed too frustrating. In the meantime, I’ve picked up ideas, insights and skills to put in my work basket.

I read a recent commentary by Garrison Keilor of the Prairie Home Companion. He mentioned he became a writer to become famous. That wasn’t my goal. I think I just had a ton of bottled up words from all the times I was told not to talk so much. They started escaping as soon as I had the tools to open the flood gate and they’ve been coming like a rushing creek since. My choice of subjects likely eliminates the possibility of fame but I love what I’m doing and I certainly enjoy the new connections I’m making along my writing path.

Copyright Jo-Brew
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